Sunday, October 18, 2009

Mom I got a Monroe last night!!!!!!!!!!!

So this is a text message I received from my daughter yesterday. I could not see, think or function for hours later. I mean we have made it VERY clear to our children that piercings except in girls ears are unacceptable. I hate piercings in the face. She tried this on me a year or two ago and I made it clear that it was unacceptable. I am still seeing red but I have calmed down considerable since I figured out how to handle the situation. I mean what do you do when your child comes home sporting a new cool bling (or some other unacceptable behavior) that your child knows you would never accept or agree too.

Well we texted (arguing by text is easier and better than voice, at first anyhow) about it for a while and she sent me pictures telling me how she was being responsible by telling me about it before coming home and how I should be opened minded and let her keep it and set up a contract. I told her no and how much I hate piercings. Well after thinking about it tons and feeling so upset that my daughter without my consent went and done something I have been against and made clear to my children is so totally unacceptable and if they want piercings or tattoos they have to be 18 and not living in my house. For me as long as my child is breaking rules and showing irresponsible behavior they are not old enough or responsible enough to make that type of an adult decision that they must live with for the rest of their life. I choose not to let them mutilate or permanently mark up their body until they are 100% sure they want to live with that decision forever.

I decided after much upset, tears, and sad feelings that if this was her choice I would have to accept it. I decided to draw up a contract for her that would allow her to keep her piercing. It would be on my terms but she could make that choice. Before she came home that day I wrote up the contract which stated that she would give up her cell phone, permit, & leisure activities and keep the piercing. All privileges would be reinstated as soon as her lip was healed. I know this is harsh but she knew it was against the rules of our house and I would not accept it and she chose to do it without permission.

I decided that I would not fight about it or argue (her favorite activity right now) about it I would just present it and see what happens. She called me and asked for a ride about 9 since curfew for that day was 10 and I went to pick her up. I did not say anything about the piercing and took her home. She went to her brother and his friend and bragged it up about her piercing and I stayed calm and did not say anything that night as I did not want to start a fight. Everyone went to bed and got a good nights sleep.

The next morning before she got up I went and got her cell phone and went to working on my computer. She got up and came upstairs and said mom do you have my cell phone? I said yep and she said can I have it back and I said nope. She asked what she could do to get it back and I said I am busy right now and we can talk about it later. (I did not want to fight) She said no lets talk about it now. I just repeated that I was busy and we would talk soon. She went downstairs and came up a little later and stated that she had taken it out and she wanted her phone back I said no and handed her the contract. She looked at it and said WOW about 6 times as she went downstairs. She came back a little later arguing that I should give her back her phone and I told her as soon as her lip was healed she could have it back. She argued that that was not a contract but taking away her life and I had no right to do that. I stayed calm and would not argue. She finally said I am going on a walk and I said that sounds like a good idea and she took off walking.

She came home a couple of hours later and nothing was said. She was actually nice to me the rest of the day. That evening I needed to do some shopping and I took her with me. She said mom you know I really thought you would let me keep it but I knew you wouldn't let me get it so that's why I did it. I said you are right but that was a very irresponsible decision. She said I know and I thought about it while I was walking and at first I was so mad at you that I decided I was not going to do anything you wanted and I was going to be mean and difficult. After walking a while longer I decided that I would get no where acting like that so I decided that I would be nice and helpful. I told her that that was a very responsible decision and a very smart choice.

I have had this in my draft folder and decided I need to finish it and post it after much contemplation.

My daughter has her phone back now, and all her privileges. She is acting much more responsible, nice and being much more helpful. I do not regret my decision in any way. I think my daughter learned a valuable lesson in responsibility, decision making and that she can't just do what she wants when she want. She knows that when she moves out and after she is 18 that she can make that decision. I know that I have only delayed the inevitable but I have made a huge statement to my children that there are unacceptable and acceptable choices and there are consequences when we chose the wrong choice.

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